Alternative summaries of Umineko:
-We all deserve to die, even YOU, Ms. Eva, even I. (imagine it sung by a very angry Johnny Depp)
-I wanted to punch my cousins for questioning the Meta of this series. [No joke, I nearly fought my cousins over their dumb questions about Umineko, like if you’d let me explain it you idiots…]
-Magic and miracles don’t exist! Alternatively, despair turns you into a witch.