Explain Umineko in 50 words or less

Whole series spoilers: Young Japanese man has dreams about candy, cats, chess and magic, waking up on a beach without memory, and hooks up with some random writer to write about them.


Postmodern metaphysical murder mystery about coping with the various tragedies in life.
Or better yet…

Ryukishi writes the murder mystery version of Neon Genesis Evangelion and Revolutionary Girl Utena. Starring Battler as Shinji and Utena, Beatrice as Rei and Anthy, Ange as Asuka, and Kinzo as Gendo.


Wait wait wait!!!

Battler turned into a car?

I can’t believe Battler is a fucking car

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I guess being a paraplegic counts

Also know that I think about it, Kinzo really is Gendo. An even more depraved version of Gendo, that is.

With a Genji Fuyutsuki… which when you really think about it, kinda does fit

It all comes together.
Hedaki Anno is the key to all of this.

Beatrice confirmed for starting Third Impact

mfw Umineko was the non canon sequel to RGU

I have to add that I did point out before that arc8 was essentially a gainax ending


Only this time, Asuka caused Third Impact, not Shinji

Thinking further, Shinji and Battler have A LOT of similarities…

Honest to God, I thought that Battler was gonna pull a Shinji over Beato in the early parts of EP6. Especially when he did his little roleplay with Piece!Beato. Shit gave me major EoE vibes.

Stop talking in spoilers and double posting >_<

The main character tries to prove that the story is a mystery and not a fantasy by engaging in debates with the very thing that he says doesn’t exist. He’s not very good at it.


Whole series spoilers

A mystery and a fantasy-story that deconstruct the very idea of a mystery and a fantasy by actually being a romance.


Alternative summaries of Umineko:

-We all deserve to die, even YOU, Ms. Eva, even I. (imagine it sung by a very angry Johnny Depp)
-I wanted to punch my cousins for questioning the Meta of this series. [No joke, I nearly fought my cousins over their dumb questions about Umineko, like if you’d let me explain it you idiots…]
-Magic and miracles don’t exist! Alternatively, despair turns you into a witch.

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“Clue with a larger cast and better special effects”


World’s Best Burger Joint.


Kannon is the best chair.

My actual explanation would be… (Umineko spoilers) Girl uses clever storytelling to hide the fact that her lover’s parents murdered his entire family. Comes with lesbian spectators!


(Possible Umineko spoilers) Ryukishi07 continues to prove why he is the master of the Jerkass Woobie trope. Except for Rudolf. **** him.


I forgot the most important summary of Umineko, straight from canon:

And then Battler started crying again.


A colossal attempt at making readers misinterpret what is in plain sight to no end, and (Episode 8 spoilers) then psychologically manipulating them into accepting the misrepresentation anyway at the end, regardless of their original intent


whole series spoilers

What is love? Baby, don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me, no more.


Don’t forget to add that masterpiece Youtube video to your definition