Junior Assistant Treasurer Wally the Wallet.
Wally the wallet is the most junior of junior furniture. As such, he is the one that actually has to get things done. As a promising young student, Wally is observant, clever, and a fast learner. He has the basic skills needed to be an excellent treasurer in most places. But Hell is not most places. Unfortunately, despite the many responsibilities he is burdened with Wally really is just an intern. In a fight, he is pretty much useless.
Wally’s internsip is not paid. Instead, he gains valuable ‘experience’, ‘networking opportunities’, ‘reputation’, and other reported benefits that he cannot actually eat. He accepted a position working with Hell to gain valuable experience and hoping it will be transitioned into a full fledged job. When he signed on, he was told that it would become a real job ‘just as soon as the economy picks up again.’ He has now been an intern for the past six hundred sixty six weeks.
Ronove keeps trying to convince corporate to hire him properly, but unfortunately there’s just no room in the budget this year. Or any other year. Forever. Although there is no public, official statement, rumors persist that Lambda Delta and Bernkastel have jointly declared with certainty that a miracle will definitely not occur. Hell itself refuses to confirm or deny whether this occured and the Voyager witches are bored with games of repeating things in red, so Wally is continually tormented with the faint hope that he will one day become a respected, full fledged furniture of Hell.
For Wally’s internship, he is tasked with keeping meticulous track of how much money are in hell’s accounts, and monitoring for any signs of theft. Despite his junior station, Wally is attentive, good with numbers, and observant. No one can get any money without him noticing.
Unfortunately, because of his junior station even though Wally can quickly tell when something is wrong he is rarely able to do anything about it. Indeed, the Seven Stakes of Purgatory seem to take a perverse glee (that is, their favorite kind of glee) in extracting funds from him over his protests.
As a dedicated student, Wally is a bit of a teacher’s pet and actually dreads the summer and winter vacations. Not only do those times herald Gaben’s biannual visits, but late spring and summer especially bring the season of cons, when a variety of disreputable characters come to have their way with Hell’s finances. They include Gabe, Tycho, Shiko-san, Hiroko-chan, Hiroshi-kun, and even a surprisingly vicious crab called Crabby-chan. These disreputable scoundrels never manage to actually fool Wally, but simply overpower him with base urges and take what they want like wild animals.
As bad as the stakes and the con characters are, however, Wally’s worst nightmares revolve around the biannual visits from Gaben, the bringer of Splurges. Twice a year, in the dead of night, Gaben bursts open the door to Wally’s room with a booming declaration of ‘IT’S SALE TIME!’ and proceed to inflict traumatizing violence upon Wally for a solid week.
Wally is frequently reduced to tears by the various assaults he is subject to. Worse still, although Ronove at least is understanding, most of Hell’s senior management lay the blame squarely on Wally for failing to defend the accounts from these marauders. It’s completley unfair, but we are talking about senior demons and devils after all.
Recently, Wally’s hunger has lead him to join the sect of Goatdatrice believers. He fervently prays that when Goatdatrice returns, he will cook for wally a Mackeral meal that will grant him the strength he needs to defeat the Seven Sisters of Purgatory, the disreputable characters from con season, and even the terrifying might of Gaben.
Or at least feed him. The impoverished student intern lifestyle has left him hungry.
So very, very hungry.
(Credits to @GoldenBugHunter)
